Selasa, 05 Januari 2016

Host: Izaak M
Hey babies, tis’ been a while since I graced this room but glad I’m doing this all the same. The sassy bitch has been busy lately and may be MIA for an extra week I think. So, when he gave me his blessings to hold his fort, I took issue with two things: Thank God the End of ‘something’ segment has been kinda reinstated though limited to end of month. See, some of us are just not penetrating (in terms of writing content) like some people we know; then there is that bit of been kept waiting. I still believe I’m the inspiration behind the much talked about high maintenance boys that will soon be a subject of this blog. Don’t worry I’ll put him to task over it during the weekend when he graces my mini housewarming (beau moved house recently) on your behalf but I'm sure I'll be told in usual T.S.R fashion to get over myself, the universe doesn't revolve around me.

September is ending and I must admit this year has been on a mad rush. It has taken me by surprise. Other than bitching here and there, I also have been making some few changes in my fucked up life but I guess we all do this, right?
I wanted to focus on something that this month’s articles ministered to me...
Jeez I sure sound like my reverend already!

The men in my life: I come from a point in time where there’s just too much exposure. My idea of bromance is something like the novellas we watch on our screens. I value being treated right and above all respected but here is the thing, being queer also means that I got a penis and I got to man up most times. That is the only way no one will treat me as a doormat.

‘I feel like a good fuck and I’m getting one this weekend.’ One of the pretty boys told me this week. The same guy will be all sad and feeling used, come Monday. The cycle continues but I’m his bff, I’m supposed to stick by him. Heck, I don’t know. I crave for the days men were handy to have around when required. They were not particularly intelligent but at least they could be taught how to light cigarettes, run errands, open doors and of course the biggest role of them all: give satisfaction in the bedroom!
Take a cab? Who leaves parties alone and flees home? Your date took you home. That is what men were for.

When this love sh*t came it got all of us confused, affairs and cheating have become a norm but I’m still told handle it like a man or do men still stick together even if they are trying to screw their friends’ wives/partners?
I read somewhere that love is much more important than sex because love was a sign of approval while sex was secret…well, not quite as sex was lust and lust means being out of control. To me being out of control has only the worst frightening connotation.
I wish you a great weekend and kindly get your priorities right in the coming month, White Rabbit!
Never thought it would take me a quarter of a century to realize that love is just so f**king overrated. The movies, the books and all those lovey dovey stories that I heard had me blinded and led me to believe that love is all that; Let’s be very honest here guys: it is overrated.

Before we proceed further, I better put some miscellaneous thing(s) into perspective. The other day I was having this interesting conversation with Cole and I think he’s finally seen the light that my proposal on dating guys not so blessed in the looks department is definitely a pretty boys’ code matter. C’mon, you guys know how being a zega man is tough. You chat with someone online; share pictures; exchange phone numbers and then finally the hookup. Okay, in most cases those pictures we got never correspond to the horny stranger before us but then it’s normally too late (every gay man has needs) Yes, how do you sleep with someone you are pretty sure you can’t even look at directly? (Kissing is definitely out of the way)
The amended pretty boys’ code states: Cover the face, attack the base!

To those of you who feel time is running out and they need to fall for anyone for the long haul, there is something I came across while preparing for today and I think it's kinda intelligent.  Stendhal says: A man may meet a woman and be shocked by her ugliness. Soon, if she is natural and unaffected, her expression makes him overlook the fault of her features. He begins to find her charming, it enters his head that she might be loved, and a week later he is living in hope. The following week he has been snubbed into despair, and the week afterwards he has gone mad.

Back to matters today: If there is any fool out there just like me and is looking for the kind of love that Hollywood portrays, I hate to be the party pooper but you need to wake up and face the reality. I wondered why I was still alone and had to blame my fantasy, always looking for my prince charming with his shining armor and great physique. Fairy tales do happen but we all aren't Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella and Thumbelina. Let me echo something: Believe me I would not only love it if I simply slept for a hundred years just to get laid by some charming guy but also if birds were singing by my window and rabbits were helping me brush my hair in the morning.

But Wait...

These same birds poop on your hair and rabbits are just cute pets in a cage that eat and nibble on carrots and cabbages all day long. Reality alert! Reality alert! It’s after posting this rather disturbing post on my TL that I started to question: Why in the name of god was I still single?

The fact of the matter was, as desperate as I was at some moments I was kind of picky and fixated on the idea of being rescued. Being hopelessly romantic did not do me any good. A guy who says ‘I’m looking for a serious relationship’ ain't going to be as gentlemanly as I would want him to be. After the first day he is asking me if I am willing to spend the night with him! SMH, dude let’s get this into your seemingly thick skull: I ain't that cheap and I ain't that easy. Then it gets better, when I’m the horny sexually charged guy, he automatically assumes that I’m a slut, trashy and a hoe!

After my encounter with these kinds of guys, I moved to the ''more mature and a bit older guys''.  After one or two dates I came to a conclusion that whether he is 20 or 40 a man is still a man, controlling and always carrying that little boy inside who always wants to play.
I was recently talking about this subject with a fellow zega who is now happily in a relationship and he asked me why I did break up with my former men. Some of the reasons that I volunteered were really ridiculous namely: ''THEY STOPPED BEING FUNNY''. He wanted to bitch slap me and shake me to wake up. Apparently, that's what is supposed to happen once you are in a relationship and stable...

'I never imagined that the man I fell in love because he made me laugh would eventually turn to some not so funny guy.’ I continued. I’m sorry but that's how it is. So, in conclusion some of the relationships that I successfully broke just because the fun was not just there anymore were actually blooming and growing, DAMN! What a fool I was.

I have since refused to blind date guys since it’s so complicated and besides, the guy whom you talk or chat to ain't the same kind of guy in person (the flirty, funny guy is mostly a silent geek in person) another good friend wrote to me saying blind dating is the way to go. ‘Geta, if you don't meet up guys, how will you meet that prince?' he asked with a lot of concern. I’ll meet him in my dreams. That’s more like it and there is no hustle about it. But maybe he had a point. Single and ready to mingle is the new motto. It has always been.

For a guy who believes in soul mates I had to stop for a moment and think. Maybe because of my childishness the proverbial Mr. Right has passed in my life without me realizing it (Did you know we zega guys have a checklist of unrealistic expectations on the men we meet?). I had to comfort myself with the answer 'I would know if I saw him. I haven't seen him yet.'
Maybe I’m just kidding myself and looking for the easier way out from that tinge of self regret. Sh*t, what the hell? It’s working!

The lesson here is that whatever the situation, whoever we are - even those of us who have lifetime achievements for NSA initiatives - we all have got that idea about love and Mr. Right. What’s yours?

Victor Geta

Victor Geta is an Addis-based konjo (pretty boy) and a friend to T.S.R making his sophomore appearance. He’s definitely opinionated on matters zega. He was recently on a trip to Kenya and has done an article (to distinguish the two regions’ queer scenes) that is ranked 5th on T.S.R.
The code has always been clear in my mind (I practically invented it): A pretty boy shall NOT live as someone’s hidden secret when he can be making it in someone else’s major headlines!

I have started authentic cooking. Not that I didn’t know how to just that last week but one, our next door office neighbours had their lunch catered for. I happened to be invited for two days. So, over the weekend I got busy and went to the market to buy these assorted foodstuffs. I’m still trying to borrow a leaf from those great guys from the Intercon, talk about first world pains! The kachumbari (raw vegetable salad) turned out exactly like what I was served! I can’t wait to move to the next delicacy. Do you know how to cook? I’m talking about fine cooking not buying pizza and boiling water here. Keep it T.S.R. I undertake to critique gay men’s cuisine abilities in the not so distant future.

I also happened to grace this judicial function that same week; forgive my credibility but evidently we Kenyans have a very cool hunk of an older man we refer to as our Chief Justice (to our foreign readers just Google him so that we are on the same page) I got so insufferable when I learnt a new word from some two talented men, one was blind: Mbrrrcha! Apparently, it’s a street word expression when used means: No hard feelings. I loosely used it for a day then forgot about it in entirety since all and sundry made it clear that I need to be current.
Okay, before you start going all Judge Judy on me, there are some things if my late mama rose and even saw me expressing interest in learning I would get some real spanking and no, chains and whips don’t excite me at all here!
The word reeks of being ancient or a used up condom rather going by the handful of criticism I received.  I later on had the opportunity to see the brain behind it on Friday evening in one of those teenage shows. The only S.I Unit I’ve always had of someone who spots dreadlocks, speaks an impeccable lingo and is well known to me is Leo, the KIPE boss. Mbuzi (sic) is definitely Haaawt but I’m sure the only thing I’d ever understand if something ever happened between us God forbid is that Rastafarian chant ‘Aaaah! Jah Bless this a**’ during a quickie climax. If nothing seems to happen considering men nowadays have lots of pressure from pretty boys in the bedroom, I’d just tell him Hakuna Mbrrrcha! (No Hard feelings)

Finally, Friday was great; I wasn’t working though the workaholic in me stopped by the office ‘briefly’. Later in the afternoon I decided to go shopping. Six pairs of shoes and three skinnies that don’t fit later, I had to retire home and there is where all that aforesaid cooking talk came to fore. By the way my man cleanse ends in a week.  I’m glad I did it, the last time I was with a man in a not so honorable distance, there was just too much -OMG what did we just do? God will punish us- kind of talk. Further, the last time I did a man cleanse it rewarded me with one of those things you call boyfriend. It’s really remarkable how I successfully managed to have such misdirected priorities then. You should try it out you know. Sh*t, my bad! Let’s now focus, I've really blabbered…

OK, I have been having these not-so-godly-approved late night fantasies…with married men! Secondly, some very single men I happen to have met much earlier in the scene are lately making very worrying decisions: They are planning on getting married to women! (No disrespect meant girlfriends) and they have intimated to me as much citing inter alia their age clocks ticking. Whatever makes you sleep better at night guys! In my view I'd advise they really seek some counseling before this move lest they end up like all these lose canons deflowering young boys in town!

This week we talk about those fine men who once we talk to say, online, we virtually plan a relationship, move in with them, start having those couple moments guys in relationships usually have e.g. making for him that salad I talked about earlier, having joint investments…Then when we finally meet them, all the aforesaid fantasies go down the drain just because of a piece of metal on their left hand, Boom! They may be as popular as fuck or as fine as Lebron J but for Heavens sake, their loyalty lies with pu**y!
Even if they feign it, I must admit, hitched men ooze lots of class in dating. They are pretty in charge of the situation however incompatible you find yourselves in.  Of course these are the guys that will appreciate a road trip with you out of town, they are pretty concerned about how independent you are; that’s why he asked whether you stay alone. You will never get to see his place and if you do, you not only become a friend to the wife and those gorgeous kids (usually they are all too daft to decrypt)  but also the listening ear to the woes and good moments he has with the legitimate partaker of his belongings.  Unless you are using him as an ATM or a means to an end, honey, the code is clear. He’s NOT leaving them for you! To nurse your already bruised ego, you also have a right to cuddly related activities while you watch The News; a man’s sluggish talk when he’s falling asleep (Gosh, it’s really sexy), waking up next to him customarily with a morning kiss. Your man!

'Cole, he's married'. 'Since when did that become a problem?' I asked. Well, this line of thinking on my end has kind of changed. Jo-C candidly opined while we were attending the final horse race season that I’m growing old hence the reason the dates I’ve been gracing lately tend to bring about this breed of men.
His wife calls him at 3 in the morning asking his whereabouts and in similar fashion of his counterparts, he effortlessly supplies 'I'm with the boys' in response. We are in the fourth club all in the name of marrying the night and I'm still not letting my guard down as expected. Men can be so fickle at times. There are some bitches who just don't get laid that easy!

I wanted to get more graphic on this but since we are a family blog, I'll just ask: Is the sex mechanical? I hear one has to picture himself having a moment of sin with that youthful nagging member who gets into his nerves for a successful performance back at home. Not that I'm judging but have you read the current local grapevine on a public figure who is on the brink of a failed second marriage? All indicators apparently allege he's queer as they come. Married zega guys have been reduced to being careful. It's a pity to the women who strive to keep it together in all these, chances are that if they already know they'll stick by you because of among other things the kids. It's tough being gay and married all because you had to man up and please a society that in all honesty has no input in how you live your silly life!

Would you date a married man? If you already find yourself in peculiar circumstances of sharing him, are you happy? Well, it’s all about what one wants, besides it’s a competitive world out here!
I don't know or even care about your situation but holding all other factors constant, my man's got to wake up right next to me the following morning (not those that leave you high and dry because they have to go to a bed I'm sure they are not even comfortable in!) #Realtalk!


I am inked. Yes, and I mean no shaggy dog story when I present this averment. So a few weeks ago when my job mentor saw it I had to do the explaining I usually do to anyone who sees my two babies. Based on her religious beliefs, I think I’m an agent of the devil. This was implied. Today T.S.R introduces you to the world of tats. I got in touch with a few friends to the situation room who are similarly inked and believe me, call them deviant and/or rebels, I definitely call it swag. Even my friend Morgan says that he is keen on getting one on his butt 'cheek' soon in addition to his Prince Albert piercing. Yap, that's wassup babies.

 ‘Hey Cole, I’m inked for life and I love it!’ says Stephane de Benito the author of Grim, Grey and Smokey on this blog.
This superbly matured Spaniard who’s been living and working for gain in the country for almost half a decade spots a Unicorn tattoo somewhere next to his‘goodies’ (Ok, don’t let your mind drift).

Since I was very young, I always wanted to have a tattoo, a tattoo that means something. I have been attracted by the philosophy of the Unicorn: While the unicorn is curious, imaginative and resourceful, its ultimate power is in its ability to survive. Whenever a unicorn hits a difficult time in its life or even criticism from others for being itself, it simply turns its horn toward the negativity and lets the horn soak it in. The unicorn’s horn is like a sponge for the pain of adversity and insults. While others collapse at the first sign of resistance or at the first criticism they receive, the unicorn is able to take that black negativity and turn it into a rainbow of awesome achievement. Gay god knows I try…
There is a Spanish song readily available on YouTube: ‘Unicornio Azul’ that supports his obsession with this mythical creature. Asked on what it means to him and when he got it: For one reason or another, I never got my head round to do it. It was always in my mind. One of my favorite songs says “my blue unicorn was lost yesterday, if anyone knows where it is, I beg some information”… Well that is exactly what my tattoo means. For over forty years I have been looking for my Blue Unicorn and in this search I travel to many places and met too many fake horns. It is only in Kenya that I finally found my Blue Unicorn and the courage to have ‘inked’ on me permanently so HE does not get lost again…

Kyle Ogila -a resident of NBO- is not only one fine brother when it comes to looks and style but also loves his ink. ‘I got mine in January of 09. It's largely a tribal tattoo that spoke to me. To be honest, I’ve never really bothered to find out what it meant coz I really like it.’ He opines.

The Addis based konjo who distinguished for us the zega scene in NBO and the land of Haile Selassie is also not left behind in this ink discussion. Victor Geta narrates:

‘My parents would definitely kill me if they saw these. They are extremely devout when it comes to matters Jesus. My first tattoo is a phoenix bird. I googled and read about this mythical creature and was so mesmerized. I like how it burns, dies and then rises again from the ashes. It is in a nutshell my story.

All those bi*ches trying to bring me down and saying all kind of appalling things about my sexuality, I always find a way to get up and rise. I just wanted a symbol of that on my body to remind me of how and where I’ve come from.
My second tattoo is of a wolf yawning, barking, Ok, I don't know what the term is but woooooing, Cole you are the queen of English, that word (laughs hysterically) there is the moon and a skull by its side and its head held up to the moon and yawning.

Before I became this free and independent zega person I was one of those guys who cried a lot at night yearning for a solution for my ‘curse’. It reminds me of the lonely times when I was chasing down my demons. The skull is the old me: Dead and gone.

My third tattoo is of a tiger. I'm a cat person and I adore tigers. They’re so fierce and elegant and you can't tell which one is the male or the female. Gosh, you have to see the balls....

While still breathing the same air of ink signifying where we have come from,  Identity’s Cole Mutahi and The Situation Room’s boss has ink on his left wrist.
‘I wanted something that denotes my incessant emancipation. Everyday is a step for me to be a great person. I appreciate where I’ve been despite its misfits, where I am and definitely have a clue of where I’m going. I’m still pretty uptight showcasing my babies due to the nature of my work so I tend to accessorize just to divert attention from them. I researched for the specific paws I wanted online, printed them and took them with me to my tattoo artiste who did it just the way I wanted it. One paw is slightly ahead of the other. In every sphere of your life, you got to move!’

T.S.R also got to meet Kamal Fitsum, an expatriate Kenyan who works for gain in West Africa. I had an opportunity to visit the parlor where he does his tats at The Yaya centre, Nairobi. When I first approached him on this subject he was pretty intrigued. ' mean ALL six of them?

I got them over the last 5 years starting with one my left bicep. It’s just an abstract tribal design. It was followed by the abstract Tiger (with some color) on the right bicep, since then I was hooked! I did both my fore arms and calf (the rear region of the leg before the ankle) on the same day, guess I could take the 'pain'...

What they mean to me? Hmm, to be frank I have loved body art since I was young. Maybe I’d say I wanted to titivate my body. However I just saw the tattoos in the albums and chose them. I love abstract tribal art and thus chose these.’

Other notable men and their ink

Identity Kenya and Identity Magazine’s founder and Editor in chief Denis Nzioka was also questioned on ink. ‘I have like three of them and will soon be getting a fourth one…One of them is on my left bicep and for the rest I really need an extra pair of hands inorder to share with you samples of the same.' He opines.

Eric Gitari a human rights enthusiast and one of the most highly regarded brains in the zega circles and a friend to T.S.R also loves his ink. ‘I will strip and snap away tonight.’ He promised. By the time T.S.R was going live we didn’t have sufficient ink snapshots so I guess that was a rain check considering he’s out of jurisdiction on a visibly demanding schedule.
‘Have I slept with you?’ That’s a question I’ve asked many guys I meet in the scene who tend to exhibit some familiarity. A strange man has been calling me of late.

 I don’t know him  but what I know is that he’s been in a chapter on my past since he asked me whether I’m still at my last address.
He says he has missed me. He has a pretty great voice and tends to act ‘in charge.’ Remember  I’ve told you before, I  always remember all my men even the one night stand ones. This one, I’m zilch!
It’s a tough society we live in. All men you meet in your life as a zega guy have some valuable lesson for you to learn. I have come to appreciate that from a virgin mind.Through that finger snapping they do;  that you are dressed like a pastor body check;  that you can’t satisfy my libido by only two rounds, look you’re still around, aren’t you?

Back to my virginity story I was sharing with you in last Friday’s segment. Apparently one of you reviewed it as soft porn. That isn’t a bad thing, right? His hands were dexterously removing bits of my clothes. I had to make a decision. Men are so fickle you know but he was a classy dude. He loved me. He was a serious person. My serious person. I opened my eyes and saw the white gleam of a condom in his hand. ‘Don’t be afraid baby’ he whispered. ‘I love you.’ He kissed me and I was no longer afraid. Then he was suddenly in a rush. Love making is so wonderful, why do men seem to want to get it over with? Maybe it’s different for men. I thought to myself. That strange and indescribable pleasure, interlaced with the pain. There was frenzy thereafter, shirts hurriedly buttoned, belts buckled...I was young and this was just the beginning of an intriguing future.

Fast forward: He is suave, charming and has beautiful manners with some bit of  careless self confidence. After dining and wining, he suggested we get latex and go have a sinful moment. I didn’t come around to it since it would feel like I was paying for the date by having a shag. We went dutch so that’s instant immunity right? The poor thing still had his erection by the end of the night. Blue balls, Hello!
Now that’s the false excuse. The honest excuse is that I don’t want to sleep with him since I’m sure he’ll disappear soonest. Pretty boys always know who they want to keep around.  I’m already being addressed as ‘Hun’ and I’m told to ask for anything I want. Same shit. Different boy. Then there is that situation where  a lot of attractive eligible men keep asking you for dates and you don’t like having to turn them down. So you end up feeling guilty because he’s somewhere in the back of my mind. Look,  If a man takes you to dinner and starts to kiss you afterward in his car or some deserted area, it’s understood you would go somewhere to consumate it. This is some sort of a default setting in the zega scene.
Virgin means clean,fertile, untouched, naive and a catch in some circles. What a ghastly list of qualities! I’m NOT a virgin. I am a gay man. A hopeless combination of horny and guilty.
Have a great weekend ducklings and Birthday wishes to Bugz Maingi, an avid T.S.R visitor and participant!!
Everything comes to an end. Love, hate, betrayal. The greed for wealth, the lust for power, the comfort in religion. In the final moment, everyone falls, even kings of empires and the princes of darkness. In the silence of the tomb we all get what we deserve. These are words I acclimatized my fine self with when I finally finished Eric Van Lustbader’s First Daughter so if you read the title of this and expected more graphic details; I apologize though I don’t mean it.  It’s really been a while since I graced T.S.R’s End of week segment but I am glad I’ve had all these adorable people doing their thing at least to make us have something to ponder about before we head to our weekends which are normally full of Sin. Beautiful sin.

There is a scenario I beg to reminisce. I was once awakened slowly, almost groggily, by a repeated rhythmic sound and a persistent sensation. Drawn fully out of sleep, I realized it was pain. I felt pain and pressure in a localized area, the place between my buttocks. It was then that I realized that the rhythmic sound and pressure were connected. He held me tight against him, sweat stuck on the surface of my back, spooned against his front and a peculiar musky scent dilated my nostrils. I felt something rubbing against my bare butt…I was well fuck*d!
The bottoming article is long overdue and the only justice I have for you my noble reader is that I have to get it out soon to relax some nerves. Hope the Identity boss is ready because it was his idea and I’ll first run it there.                                            
My dating patterns are a bit off again since I took up this new assignment. My usual suspects had to remind me I’m gay and I need to ‘socialize’. Well, I’ve said it here and again. No one can self-combust due to the lack of a rod. I mean what’s the work of ‘toys’ but then even these have been MIA. But then I’m still on that voyage of having Balanced dating opinions but most guys still have this thing going on in their heads: ‘I have to f*ck you before moving on to my next, I’m like Honey, I’m not a conquest. Sex on my terms! Usually they dismiss me at this point and create all those excuses including the coveted B*tch title yet I’m sure they aren’t getting any. The code is pretty clear; you can always tell a person you’ll simply sleep with on a first date (and end it there), the guy you’ll just string along for no apparent reason and the guy you’ll want to get into that emotional co-dependent shitstorm with. In the words of Izaak, when you met me I wasn’t a virgin…read between the lines.
I still can’t predict the future of T.S.R considering all these developments happening on my end but what I can assure you is more content, more controversial guests and more maximizing of your Heartless Bitch Potential (HBP). The weekend is pretty unpredictable for me but I think I’m already a couple of men ahead of humanity so they are not for me this weekend (some guy I was actually getting to like killed my sensitive spirits by asking me how many people I’ve stripped for, Hello! I should really enroll in a class, anyone who kept a piece of the memo? Now I hope you understand why I agreed to do this Circular dating thing) but I have this awesome invite to go speak to some great young people. I have my notes ready. It’s been a while since I really got involved in inspiring my generation - I’m the de facto prince of bad advice remember? - OMG and what’s with all these stories of reknowned people coming out? I definitely believe it’s a great mid-year precedence, don’t you think? Maybe someone should visit T.S.R and 'come out' as well. I don’t mean coming out in the aspect of good grooming and/or fashion.    

'Of course you Zegas dress well! You didn't spend all that time in the closet for nothing...' - KF

Have a great weekend, put some rubber on it if need be, we talk to you Tuesday, Kisses!
Cole: Really been tempted to share these pictures we took thanks to the adorable Kamal. Maybe I should give him a kiss next time (smiles) Gosh, I'm such a camera whore too but why aren’t you showing your face in this room? Bitch, aren’t you fly!
Geta: I knoooow. Kamal is definitely gifted. Hey, you do realize I don't want to go to prison here in Addis. Unlike your prisons, they don't rape you. Where is the fun in that?
Cole: (Giggling uncontrollably) No comments. How far have you gone with that Habesha husband issue I proposed you look at?
Geta: Cole baby, I told you he’s taken, don’t push it.
Cole: Since when did that become a problem?It's not a big deal to seek for a sperm donor you know...besides since you got back there I have 5 new friends from Addis on my Timeline (sighs)
Geta: Hmm...maybe we can arrange for the sperm donor bit BUT as the resident bitches here, we are fighting for the small amount of 'men' available...we don't need neighboring countries taking our men....BACK OFF!
Cole: Nkt, you better start your thing. It’s Friday and some of us don’t have the whole day…I’ll save this talk for Addis.

Recently I was invited to visit the great and beautiful city of NBO. I was so impressed with its lush, green view and tidiness especially the suburbs. I devoured all kinds of yummy cuisine that normally you wouldn't find back here in Addis including crocodile and ostrich meat at Simba Salon.
I equally loved how Kenyans particularly Nairobi guys take their coffee or tea: in big cups or should I say bowls?
I wonder if they like 'everything' else big...                        
Ed’s Note: It’s called getting value for our paper, alien!

Anyway, we did go to the park and into the wild (Oh and there was this couple making out in some lonely part of the park in a prado we interrupted, I still hope they were men!) and also got wild at night. Got to see all those look-alike goat thingies (still can’t decipher which one is which) and also some giraffes which somehow have something in common with me: Fine and too high to reach ass.
Last but not least I got to meet this really nice Kenyan guy with a great smile and smart mind. I also got to taste Ugali. (One of the most common Kenyan traditional foods) It was not that bad but I definitely wouldn't eat it every day.

What amazed me were the big a**es everyone seems to have (What! I’m still a gay man). All you Kenyan bitches could be skinny but you are blessed with this fine a**, Damn! I loved it. Maybe it’s the Ugali. In Addis you get skinnies (lots of them), chubbies, fats, muscular, athletics…one in a million. Maybe it’s our Injera.

But what I was looking for so eagerly was to visit one of those zega night clubs where I could just declare my ‘zeganess’ and feel free. Me and my so generous and good pal got sexified and went to the club right about mid night. Gypsies is fine but what I expected was one of those pinky-kinky night clubs with a hyped illumination system and some pathetic excuse of sophistication. Well, for some reason Nairobians like the outdoors. The crowd was fine, so many cute guys, but with so many similarities (like that feminine flag that we all seem to have). What I couldn't take was all that house music. What’s up with all that? All Kenyans were doing was jump and jump. That’s not called dancing, it’s just jumping. I tried to show them how we bitches do it in Addis but got somehow uncomfortable because every man in there was looking at me in some kind of petrified look that says 'Bitch, cut it out, you are making us too horny'.
Let’s just say it was not that liberating as I’d initially thought. Even though I was given all these tips on how to pick a guy, flirt with him and how to attract the Kenyan alpha male by Cole, the only time I was asked to stand up and turn around was by the Kenyan police. (And not in a good way)

The fact of the matter is that there is no real difference between the gay scene in Addis and NBO. We may not have a gay club but we do have clubs we often patronize. You guys don't dance body to body even though you have a zega-friendly club (Just to be clear, the zega club I was looking forward to see was an all zega club. This one just had a partition.)

We zegas in Addis may be too blind to see that we are somehow free. We go out, we have fun, we flirt, we dance (in a so not provocative way) and yet it’s in the enemy’s (those straight folks) club. Believe me; you don't want to see us dance.

One true difference I could find was that you got the body and we got the moves. Suck on that!

Till next time, as we say it in Addis: CHER YIGITEMEN!

Victor Geta

Victor Geta is a 25-year old Addis-based zega (read as gay) guy working for gain in Ethiopia and beyond as he gets to travel in various cities across the world. He recently toured Kenya for the first time and had a lot of admiration not only for its people but also places. He also got to interact with TSR’S Cole Mutahi courtesy of a mutual friend they share.