Would you 'walk a mile' in a bottom's shoes? : The Conversation Continues...

Last Week on T.S.R

I am a 2 – tier virgin in the sense that pussy is off limits. Never seen it, never touched it…

I’m all about being a respectable pretty boy in the streets, a chef in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom but I’ll admit I am no power bottom.

Tops need stop treating encounters with bottoms as some form of speed dating and then getting annoyed when it’s revealed that the bottom getting coffee was, in fact, actually getting coffee rather than cruising for some shitstorm…

The trick is not how much pain you feel but how much joy you feel. Any idiot can feel pain. Life is full of excuses to feel pain, excuses not to live, excuses, excuses, excuses.

…The law of the land dictates the man who does the fucking calls the shot. I will never bottom for a dude because then he makes you his bitch.

A Bottom has got to learn how to open his mouth for more than just giving head.

…I don’t care if they are angry or frustrated because someone (us) changed the rules while they weren’t looking and forgot to send them a goddamned memo. Get used to it, guys. Or get a pussy cat!

*****

‘I think the biggest error is to try to raise bottoms or tops. The role identification is mirroring the current views of women towards men. Are we trying to emulate the straight society? I can speak by experience. I’ve always been a top since I was raped and had the aforesaid image. Suddenly some gem has taught me that love and sex can be either way satisfying far from prejudices.’ – The Late Stephane d’ Benito (Author of Grey, Grim and Smokey and moderator on T.S.R)

*****

Behind The Scenes

Yesterday, I made my pancakes and tea milk free. (Oh and while at it I confirmed the best way to enjoy pancakes is to create a hole in the middle of about three to five layered pancakes using a knife then pour some Marple syrup in that hole. (I know this sounds wrong) It evenly smears between the cakes making it orgasmic when it finally lands in your mouth - An angel peeing on your tongue feeling is still there) See, I’ve been indisposed these past few days but glad I’m recuperating well. Today is the final of my 3-day milk ban due to medication. My friend David opines it’s total BS but I've since persuaded him that this is an instruction I never back down from because it reminds me of my healing days after circumcision a decade ago. There was just plenty of ice cream and milk lying around still I survived without them for a week but gosh! Those sleepless throbbing nights when it's healing, Yikes! I'm just glad I wasn’t sexually active then. Dave further says that when you are circumcised after 9 years, your D tends to be longer than when it's done when you are much younger, Huh?? Well I'm glad mine was done later then. *Drops Mic*

In other News, I’m taking a timeout from active blogging for the next 3 months. I'm up to my lips in stuff at the moment and ranting about my silly life in blogosphere . However I will be open to share any guest entries if any or even make an impromptu appearance to address something. Speaking of something. I'm toying with the idea of either a second version of the Q & A article when we get to 18K readership, No? or analyzing some few dates (remember 2013 I said was a year of getting rich and hitched? Dating is not only tough but also full of intrigues) Well, the former is more ideal as it opens an avenue to demystify oneself and it's your only moment to pull me aside (Twitter DM, My Facebook Page or even E-Mail) and surreptitiously ask me anything directly (however naughty or personal). I’ll thereafter publish all my responses to your questions and yes, I will protect your name for whatever it is worth. Donge?

*****

In 2011 I ventured out on a mission to ask some tops gentlemen questions:

1  .    What do you look for in your Bottom?

2  .    Do you find him as a lesser being or treat him as an equal?  

3 . What are your perspectives on the thin line between gay roles and overall masculinity and femininity?

4  .    Would you bottom for your partner?

The immediate latter was a question that stood out in my quest and was to address the tops that have gone on record saying that they’ll never bottom for anyone. I will address this towards the end of this article.The rest are equally well considered but due to constraints of time I largely iterated the same.

“I think people should choose their partners honestly and not just think between the sheets. He might be the best bottom on earth in the bedroom but on the streets you walk steps behind him because you think he’s too fem to be seen with. That’s not fair to either party. If you can’t be seen in public together then let it go.” – Calvin.

Paul Humble says, ‘I personally view my bottom as my equal and at no time will I look at him as a lesser partner. I don’t expect him to be feminine; indeed I appreciate a manly looking bottom. Queens are just off limits for me. If I were looking for a woman, I wouldn’t be gay right? It’s that x factor in a man that attracts me to him. However I still have a weakness, my bottom has no option but respect me just like I respect him. I apply the ‘no two bulls can leave in the same court’ rule!’

Pic. Courtesy of Internet Sources

My brother Eric Gitari largely and candidly dissents with the subject but nevertheless gives his sentiments. ‘Two things Cole, the whole top, bottom, versatile BS is sexist, patriarchal and stinks of heterosexism and as queers who have defied every social and sexual norm, gender stereotypes should cease especially in the very cradle of homosexuality – the bedroom. 

He further proceeds and widens my wit. ‘There is sexual identity and sexual preference. These two must be isolated and appreciated in their complexities and simplicities. Very few queers are self evolved to appreciate such critique. Two, Would I go down for my partner? Hmm…as much as I prefer to do the penetration, should I be at risk of losing him or need to salvage the ship or make him happier? I would consider it BUT I AVOID this consideration way ahead by dating someone we are sexually compatible with – someone who prefers to be dicked, Can I get back to you on this later in the interview?’

Raymond said, ‘We’ve been through this before. Bottoming or Topping doesn’t mean one is superior to the other. They are just roles each acquires to retain compatibility.’

When I got Calvin (the one guy I friend zoned) to comment on this, he willingly schooled me just like Eric but got quite graphic while at it. ‘Well, I think too much emphasis is put on attaching gender roles to sexual preferences – Bottom is ‘woman’, Top is the ‘man’. This is a terrible stereotype within queerdom that is good fodder for heterosexuals to perpetuate their usual homophobic stereotype. Gay men I guess probably feel the need to confirm when being gay in itself is being non conformist. After all, straight men are being Nyeri-rized by their women yet they are supposed to be the dominant ones.’

Balancing Act

‘Whether you are top or bottom one should always play on their strengths. People have different strengths in different things at different times and managing that balance is partnership. I think naturally in coupling, one person will come out as a natural leader in whatever capacity but that doesn’t mean that the other person should assume the housework. That’s just whack!’ He emphasizes.

When I ask him about the aspect of roles and masculinity he conclusively responds, ‘I think my guy should just be himself in public or private. When I say that, I mean that if I have accepted him (butch of fem or all the variants in between) then I should just let him be. I may want him to accommodate my wishes e.g. be a little less camp in public, fine it may be but that really won’t last and eventually resentment creeps up.

Would you go down for your bottom?

Ray succinctly summarizes his thoughts by getting all philosophical. ‘I would not exactly. Simple law of nature needs each person to find comfort in what they do hence an opposite must always be there to maintain equilibrium.’ He states.

‘Cole I’d say I’m a top and I really enjoy it. But I’d like to think I would bottom for the right guy ideally in the confines of a very committed relationship as long as he’s hot (sighs), there’s absolute respect and trust too – during the deed and after the deed. I think penetrative sex (whatever the sexuality) is so full of surprises and technical hitches. I wouldn’t attempt it with just anyone.’ Calvin jovially answers my question.

‘I thought real hard and long – yes hard and long about your query on sexual preferences earlier. If a man cannot consider going down for another – operating word here being consider – then that man is a closeted small minded fag!’ Eric concludes.

They say it ain’t over ‘til the fat lady sings. I must admit, I acquiesced with most (if not all) of the averments herein. I think the zega society is evolving. We’ve are already too defensive when battling with the straight folk and inasmuch as the top/bottom debate is a pregnant point of conversation, methinks it needs to be rewritten. We can’t be further divided as a community just because of the dick goes where or better yet who’s in charge here stereotype.

Chaje in his note here says ‘I find the whole Top, Bottom, Versatile tagging just a big hullabaloo and downright annoying.  Labels only fuel prejudice. The bottom is most often than not dismissed, seen as the lesser, weaker one.  The Top on the other hand is seen as the macho one, supposedly the provider, stronger one even.  These roles become a prerequisite to interaction with other gay folk so that if one happens to subscribe to the same role as the other person, then there is no point of attempting to form any kind of connection.’

My opinions rest here.

May you live in interesting times Tsrians, Kisses!

Cole Mutahi.

The Situation Room (T.S.R) by Cole Mutahi 2013©

I am a Bottom, Never apologized for it!

This article is amatory in nature and may contain suggestive language. Reader discretion is accordingly advised. 

Previously on T.S.R

…if (and that is a qualified if) one settles for the role called bottom then one settles for power. Real power.                                                                                                        

But a bottom must get schooled. Don’t expect this proficiency from the class of 2013 bottoms…

 …I will not be a cum bucket to a man who’s not going to commit to me!                                 

 …I may not be a fan but neither am I immune to reading some of the posts (here) from disgruntled, lacking in love, and living-on-cloud nine mamas with cocks.

…Bitch, you come to my backyard, I pay all your bills, take you out, fuck you, and if I get some by-the-way ass, you causing drama? On me?                                                                                                                                             

…The law of the land dictates the man who does the fucking calls the shot. I will never bottom for a dude because then he makes you his bitch.                                                                                                                          

…Your ass becomes boring at some point. It’s the same style, same hole, same hair, same smell. Dude, we have become so routine it’s boring!                                                                                                                          

…Bottoms dear, grass ain’t greener on the other side and if it is, it’s probably growing on sewage.

Situation 1

‘Relax baby’ he says to me panting deeply on my right side ear. ‘Ukikaza rasa ndio itazidi kuwa uchungu’ (If you clench your butt it will be more painful). He says in Swahili sheng as he lubricates his tumescent manhood that reeks of strawberry and rubber. Boy, I got me some well endowed ghetto meat! I mutter to myself as I close my eyes waiting for the subsequent step. He softly massages my rear with his rough palm before landing it a spank that forces me to thrust upwards giving him an instant way in. I suffer some deep sting! A constant rhythm is soon established. I twist my head to look at him at some point. His eyes are closed, his mouth has a distinct O and he’s sweating clearly lost in his own world. I feel some pain. I feel some far-fetched bliss of sorts. I feel…liberated?

*****

Behind The Scenes

I was recently out of the +254 jurisdiction for a fortnight and I must admit it felt great. There were the two educative visits to reputable ranches/hacienda, then those two strange men flirting with me in a club at some not so God – approved hours (I still can’t decipher why in a club environment every guy is instantly hot), oh and the lush woods of the Rift can (despite the unpleasantly cold evenings) be quite liberating after all – minus a man! David distanced himself from the trip but I’m impressed he kept the spirited fight of a jealous future boyfriend by his daily texts. That boy sure got a lot going on in his life - Oops TMI. Still on matters men, it’s been a dry spell here for a while now and despite a handful of turned down servicing offers here and there, I just seem not to be with it. In Jamleck's words, they may as well jerk off to some porn on TV. I mean, I do that occasionally when the pressure is intolerable. Look, I neither drink nor sleep around and No, I’m not exactly broke or even bad looking. Maybe I’m at a good place in my life right now. Maybe I’m ready for love something deeper. Maybe that cum bucket shit I talked about is working. OMG, there is also the ' The Haunted House' by one of the ever gorgeous Wayans brothers! If you are gay or an enthusiast in matters zega and haven't watched this flick, there's a problem. I hear it's termed as 'Homoerotic'. Can you picture Marlon Wayans getting fucked by a ghost. No Lube, No Condom? Get down to your favorite torrent site after this read or visit your movie guy for your dose of laughter this weekend . You are welcome.

*****

Situation 2

It’s very cold. He offers me his jacket as soon as we step out of the bus that immediately proceeds to its destination. I study my surroundings. I’ve never been out this late in a highway before but then it’s three on a Sunday morning and I’m around 130km from Nairobi, the land of sunshine and loose morals. Suave, charming and with beautiful manners, he has been with me from the previous day (Saturday) at 4p.m. His features were quite elaborate from his fitting top at the club as he danced. The top button was loosely open all along leaving good fodder for wild imagination. He’s tipsy but has his balance while his right arm rests on my shoulder. I feel calmed once we get into the warm dungeon that defines his abode. I take a seat in the couch next to the door. ‘Just to clarify something, are you Top or Bottom?’ I ask.  ‘Top. Someone’s got to take care of you pretty thing.’ He responds as he smiles. ‘Good. I like that’ I reply. ‘Jeez, where are my manners, care for a drink or something?’ He asks. ‘If it pleases you.’ I retort. He unleashes one of those evil smiles of his. ‘Anything for you pleases me my dear.’

It’s daylight. My ass is sore. He’s still deep asleep with his naked body coiled around me protectively. I let myself free after a brief struggle from his strong arms and walk into the bathroom. The hot water stingingly but welcomingly flows through the crack of my junk making me sigh relief, I recollect the earlier events that led to this. The deep face to face kissing that started in the kitchen, his tumescence rising until it was rock hard, him lifting me to his room, things falling on the floor, a gleaming sachet dangerously torn... I never got to have the warm lime water I’d requested for. I have to leave this place immediately I decide silently. I suddenly feel some arms curl around my soapy self. ‘Good morning beautiful, where are you going to this early?’  Fuck. 
This friends, is the synopsis of the man I dated for 4 months.

*****

Ghetto boy is snoring. Our legs and arms entwined, my head positioned across his broad hairy chest. The kind men of my taste had thanks to the myriad of glossy magazines I’ve been perusing; my hands are resting on his balls whose size is comparable to grape fruits. The sex was ugly, cantankerous, mechanically routine, succinctly put: Sub-standard. I even feel used and abused but…

Friends, that is how I lost my virginity.

*****

A letter to my Top(s): A bottom’s perspective.

I have to make a confession for the purposes of this article. I am a virgin. Oops, let’s try that again. I am a 2 – tier virgin in the sense that pussy is off limits. Never seen it, never touched it, don’t have any idea what S meant that evening at Poa Place when she said, we should try 'eat it' sometime. Yeah, I can see that gasp /O\ on your face. Secondly, I am a certified bottom. Never attempted to get in anywhere and the last time someone made me try that shit, my erection was killed. This dawg just doesn’t bark that way! So now my conscience is clear to speak to top(s) and also my fellow bottoms. 

Pic: From Internet Sources

Bottoming in zega circles is always a subject of controversy. From lines such as ‘A 40-year old bottom does not appeal’, ‘a 30 year old man shouldn’t be a bottom’ (I roll my eyes) ‘I can never bottom for a man,’ 'Being a bottom is not a disability' et al, the role has drawn to it its fair share of challenge in that it is looked at as a gateway to assignment of other duties largely borrowed from the competition: Heterosexuals. So the bottom is in most cases looked at as a lesser person - one who needs to submit to a top (who as one of my moderator puts it, cum so fast when you attempt to touch their rosebud) just like our ever crappy straight counterparts. As the bottom attempts to reclaim his face, the top is patted for doing a good job and maintaining the motto: My ass is only exit, no entry! Still, I don’t envy a top’s job e.g. rubbering up, oiling, pumping etc. as J.Sisulu graphically highlighted last week. Nevertheless, wanking my man piece remains my business lest I cum before you and tell you to get out.

‘Before you eat an okra seed, you must measure the size of your anus’. –Yoruba Saying

At times I dread getting some. I’m talking about penetrative sex here as the core pillar of Bottoming. A sample bottom’s bucket list before sex:

1.     I got to scrub well down there though rimming in its entirety is a gauche thing for me. I always have to think it over. I hear it’s a Top’s BJ gift to his bottom, no? The things some men can do with their tongues should be declared illegal *Hides*

2.     Enema, douching, and ecstasy – I have never done any of these but I hear my bitches talking about them. The last time someone asked me to use poppers. They give one sexual appetite and a painless coitus operandi, Huh?

3.     Foreplay (Not everyone is kissable)

4.     Conversation a.k.a pillow talk …Uhm. Unless we are hitched (Doesn’t apply to flings/quickies)

5.     ‘Do you have protection? (My condoms rank same with my biking helmet)

The consequences of having some man meat shoved up your rear! And No, I'm not obsessing about size like most of my counterparts. My pal William would lift his right hand and say: I'm protective of my ass! Every Bottom identifies the occasional bloody stains on white tissue, the difficult bowel movements and yes, the sore man-pussy that may have to be sat on a tub of warm antiseptic water and in some cases uncomfortable sitting arrangements. A Top of course will always be convincing that there is need for another round even after such an eventful routine. Grab the condom pack, fix it on his rod and get right to work. I respect Tops who know how to help their bottom get through the ordeal but mostly they are those in monogamous arrangements or repeated sexual encounters (Fuck buddies) especially when you shower together and he gives you a quick exam down there. *Fanning myself*

“The trick is not how much pain you feel but how much joy you feel. Any idiot can feel pain. Life is full of excuses to feel pain, excuses not to live, excuses, excuses, excuses.” – Erica Jong 

The Power Bottom

I’m all about being a respectable pretty boy in the streets, a chef in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom but I’ll admit I am no power bottom. At times I just need to ride on the horse to control the depth traveled, plainly lie there as I encourage the rhythm and take any of the orders issued with due consideration. Anal sex can have its fair share of dangers. I equally don’t do so well in taking instructions from men I’m romantically involved with unless I’m committed to them. 

While responding to Mr. Sisulu’s letter to bottoms, Cup-A-Tea opined that ‘A power bottom is not a term to describe one's personality and character; it is a term to refer to a bottom who can have sex multiple times in various positions and not be tired.’

Taking up this point further on: ‘The Miseducation of a Power Bottom’ by L.Bunny B.Woods. Here is an extract:

• A person who can fulfill the fantasy of a top’s sexual desires, needs and wants without being asked or instructed is truly a top’s dream. Tops appreciate a bottom that enjoys his experience without complaining about exhaustion or pain.
• A power bottom, in my opinion, is not a size queen or a person with excessive sexual stamina, but is one who has experience as a bottom, is very confident and knows his self-worth.
• The ways a power bottom talks and his assertive confidence have the ability to instantly mesmerize a top; the power bottom, with a simple greeting of “Hello,” instantly draws him in, and the sexual experience has already begun. When the top instantly becomes mentally stimulated by the power bottom’s conversation, the top’s desire is to explore this bottom and their experience together. The way the power bottom sways when he walks is erotically appealing, and is also a calculated skill that drives the top wild!
• Beyoncé said it best in her song, “Ego”: “I walk like this ‘cause I can back it up!”
  

Editor’s Opinion: Mr. Woods is probably a Top and/or their agent. The above sentiments are well reasoned but highly subjective. I couldn't locate available literature immediately on a Power Top.

Personally I don’t get all the bile spewed from the tops who stopped by here. Fine, you took him out for a date, you fed him, he didn’t do the utensils after breakfast, He sulked when the club got boring or when you ran late for the date. Were you expecting him to glitter bomb you like Lindsay Lohan in the court doorway when she ran late for her court appearance? Mister if you gonna subject my ass to all that fire tonight, (flicks an imaginary weave) you might as well feed me. Why all the bile? You can always claim a refund. Majority of Tops need stop treating encounters with bottoms as some form of speed dating and then getting annoyed when it’s revealed that the bottom getting coffee was, in fact, actually getting coffee rather than cruising for some shitstorm that was supposed to take place at their place. Sometimes chemistry won’t just be there and one got to nurse them blue balls! This is probably the reason why pretty boys are glued to some tabloid pages on social media waiting for some HIV dirt or otherwise on someone who allegedly screwed them over!

The grass is greener syndrome applies across the gay divide. Notice the multiple sex romps we are having as a community? It’s because we are looking for more and think the next zipper will provide it yet it just never materializes!  Dear Tops, the hole never gets boring, it’s the same just that the other grass growing on sewage is what you desire your current grass to be. The more the reason any sane bottom needs to observe a vigorous condom ritual anytime coitus operandi is in the offing.

A Bottom has got to learn how to open his mouth for more than just giving head.

Bottoms consider their 20’s as an avenue to get hitched, a fad I’ve strongly objected to in the past. Bottoms, regardless of age, should have an intellectual curiosity that goes beyond wondering if their shoes match their pants, man purse or top shirt. I agree, papers are very imperative and so as a bottom who believes in effort, I’ll wholly associate my fine self with Sisulu’s sentiments and not dilute his observations on the same.

Contrary to the popular opinion that most bottoms rely on Tops for survival, while responding to this article by a Mr. Nzioka, Derrick dissents and opines that he’s an established bottom complete with a career and his life to live. ‘Some of us put on our designer suits in the morning, get into a vehicle and get busy in our polished mahogany desks. At the end of the day we just need a good lay; besides, bottoms who pay their own rent don’t have to be nice.’  While on the same subject matter, Morgan takes offense almost immediately and condescendingly responds saying he’d like to believe that the author had probably had one too many for the evening. ‘He was probably addressing the side fucks he has been banging and who consider him to be a Gaylord of sorts.’

Jeez, it's 3a.m already and I sure don't know where this conversation is heading to besides, the Top / Bottom conversation is not a day's work. The remaining four or so paragraphs are brief and highly academic at least to give me some credibility lest I be dismissed as just another blonde obsessed with Bottoms' rights. Listen, I don’t care if tops find it hard to know what bottoms want these days; I don’t care if they are angry or frustrated because someone (us) changed the rules while they weren’t looking and forgot to send them a goddamned memo. Get used to it, guys. Or get a cat! 

Next week on T.S.R: ‘As a Top, would you bottom for your partner?'

May you live in interesting times!

C. Mutahi