For me this is an unusual time. It used to be a time I looked forward to with great enthusiasm: Travelling to my grandparents; being together with my cousins whom I hadn’t seen for a year (and I’m talking about real cousins here not the gay guy ‘cousin’); Christmas carols; lights; shopping for new wears and presents; church at night; receiving and opening presents; lots and lots of food; lots and lots and lots of people…in short, a feast for the senses. It would become such a heady experience that January would be filled with what (so I’m told) addicts would call severe withdrawal symptoms after a month of unadulterated excess. I loved Christmas, Hard.
So just before I went live today…
Cole: OMG! Look, you’re fly, I’m fly; you are a legal mind, I’m a stakeholder in the judicial process as well – though one of your fellow learned friends that I’m sure is well known to me alluded that that line might as well mean I’m a jailbird when I was trying to make small talk with him – you’re single, I’m very single and yes you are also a tall tower of water…shouldn’t we make out or something?
KBA: (Blushing) Cole, thanks very much for that astute description, aren’t you supposed to be on sabbatical or something?
Cole: Please, you honestly didn’t expect me to miss the season finale…besides someone has to lock up the studios you know! (Giggles) How is Nyali?
KBA: It’s so so, when are you coming again?
Cole: Er…is that like a date? Let’s see…the last time you almost made me miss my flight back to NBO on a Sunday evening and you still owe me that KBA-patented-evening-stroll at Haller Park?
KBA: Oh Boy, you really remember everything! Sure, I’ll meet my end. By the way something I meant to ask you after some recent article. Are you High Maintenance?
Cole: (sighs) To answer the first question maybe next year after January, so make sure you rent a yacht by then (He has a serious face on) Secondly, I look at myself as an independent but also a wannabe HMB. But hey, cash only impresses lazy boys. When a pretty boy works hard and smart, a man with money is just a bonus not a ladder of upgrade!
KBA: Well put Ms.T.S.R. I think I’ll reserve my further comments when we are off camera!
Cole: (Throwing his hands up) Yay! Sh*t, where are my manners? (Shaking my hands)Thanks for agreeing to host us today.
KBA: No, thanks you for being patient with me and giving me the chance to wrap up your writing season.
Cole: Trust me, I could make Job jealous. I’m just heading out to go apply my lip gloss then come for the…
KBA: (Smiling) Get out of here!
Over the years, as an adult, I’ve approached this season with caution, sometimes even despair. Caution because of not wanting to hope too much and end up being disappointed. Despair at the things I haven’t yet done and for the uncertain New Year that is to happen upon me. And I find that, apart from the incessant partying and the copious spending of money (something I never did when I was younger- it was all paid for by the adults anyway, right?); there really is nothing much to Christmas anymore. Is there?
In the last, say, five years, I believe I have done some growing up: loved ones have been lost and Christmas has compounded their loss; I have been broke in more than one sense and Christmas has compounded the “brokenness”; there have been fewer family get-togethers and Christmas has compounded the sense of isolation; a relationship was ended and Christmas has compounded the sense of loneliness and desperation.
Setbacks are your comebacks at Christmas.
Yet I am still here, faced with another Christmas. But this time I’m looking forward to it again. Well,
mostly because things have started looking up. I have a lot to be grateful about.
Despite the stress and troubles I can look back and smile and count my
blessings and list my achievements. I can put Christmas 2011 next to Christmas
2012 and say that I am not in the same place now as I was then. Some improvements
have been made and that gives me courage and an incentive to go on for
another year. I have made friendships that have been vital to my
journey. My eyes have been opened a little more to myself and the world
around me. I am getting closer to my goal. I am not completely disillusioned
and I love the people in my life for better or for worse. I still see
the cloud’s silver lining. I am more self-aware. I am stronger than
before. I am healthy. This Christmas I will sing Christmas Carols deliriously
and be more euphoric because I am alive. And every moment I remember these things, I am
(Looking at my watch) Hmm, now where is this bloke who promised me a smooch? Oh boy, he’s here!
Happy Christmas and New Year!
The writer is a lawyer working for gain (and fun) in this beautiful Republic. He loves swimming, fine dining, adventure in serene milieus over a reading matter and his Chilean wine vintage. He’s not only a fan but also a good comrade and critic to T.S.R.